Let’s End the R-Word Once and For All

by John Franklin Stephens from Parenting:

John Franklin Stephens, Special Olympics Virginia athlete and global messenger, first spoke out in a 2008 essay called “Using the Word 'Retard' to Describe Me Hurts.” Last October, he wrote an open letter to conservative commentator Ann Coulter, calling her out for her use of the R word as a slur in a tweet. The letter has been viewed more than 3 million times. Frank, as he’s known to friends, has gone on to speak about discrimination all over the country. In honor of Spread the Word to End the Word’s annual day of awareness, we asked Frank to reflect on the Ann Coulter aftermath, the reason he now thanks her, and why he’s so much more than just a label. Frank will also be a guest on HuffPo Live on March 6 at 6pm EST.

It has been a little more than four months since I wrote an open letter to a political commentator asking her to reconsider the use of the term “retard” as a synonym for “loser.” I have received no indication that I have had any luck changing her mind.

I am pleased to say, however, that a lot of people have been exposed to our little debate. The overwhelming majority of comments have been responsive to my argument that the term is one of those unthinking slurs that we could best do without. We should think before we casually perpetuate ugly stereotypes.

People still ask me about what is so wrong with using the R-word. I can only say what it means to people like me when we hear it. It means that the rest of you are excluding us from the group we want to be part of. That’s the hardest thing--the loneliness. We process information slower than you do, so even keeping up in a normal conversation is a constant battle for us. We are aware when you stop and just look at us while we are trying to catch up. We are aware when you just say “uh-huh,” and then move on, talking to each other.

You mean no harm, but you have no idea how alone we can feel, even when we are with you.

During one of the television appearances immediately after my letter went viral, I joked that I wanted to “thank [Ms. Coulter] for introducing me to 3.2 million new friends on the internet.”

I confess: I really have loved all the attention. I loved being on television. I am proud that my story will be included in a book about young people who advocate for themselves and that something else I wrote is being published as part of a writing curriculum for middle-school students. I love being asked to speak to students about how hurtful bullying can be.

But none of this is how I dream of my life. Because I am so much more than that one word.

What I would really love to be known as is just another actor/screenwriter hoping to be discovered. You see, I have a role in a movie due out this spring called The Senior Prank, and I have written a screenplay for a short film called Common Dreams that I hope to get produced this year.

That’s how I see myself and what I am most proud of. That’s my dream: that one day you will look at me and see the person (and maybe the actor/screenwriter?) first, and not the disability. When that happens, we won’t any of us worry so much about labels.

Don't label people with Down syndrome

 

By David M. Perry, Special to CNN:

"It breaks my heart to think how many people would not have chosen to keep that precious angel." -- Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi, speaking about abortion and Down syndrome at the 2012 National Convention.

"I highly approve of (Mitt) Romney's decision to be kind and gentle to the retard." -- Ann Coulter, tweeting about the third presidential debate.

"No one would call someone with Down syndrome 'retard.' I call you a 'retard.' " -- Coulter on Alan Colmes' Fox News Radio show.

Let's pretend that Ann Coulter is telling the truth in that last comment. Yes, she called President Barack Obama a retard, but at least she claimed she'd never insult someone with Down syndrome. Even if she's lying, we have come a long way. Children with Down syndrome still get bullied or even abused, and adults with any disability face an uncertain future, particularly in an era of austerity, but today few would call someone with Down syndrome a retard to his or her face.

For this, as the father of a boy with Down syndrome, I am grateful.

In fact, over the last 50 years or so, the lives of people with Down syndrome and other disabilities have improved in many remarkable ways. Most parents are now raising their children with Down syndrome in their homes rather than sending them to live in institutions. Government programs, especially through early intervention and special education, employ teachers and therapists who have helped these children learn beyond our wildest dreams.

Medical advances not only prevent many of the most dire threats to their health but begin to promise new treatments to make it easier for them to learn. Extended families, churches, community groups and nonprofits all work to support families such as mine.

And sometimes, when relatives or church members or kind strangers meet my son or hear that I have a boy with Down syndrome, they smile and tell me that "people with Downs" or "Downs kids" are God's angels sent down to earth. I smile and thank them and agree that people with Down syndrome can be pretty great.

But while good intentions count for a lot, "angel" makes me no happier than "retard." Most parents who have spent time changing diapers, dealing with tantrums or trying to get a sleepy child, with or without Down syndrome, ready for the school bus in time know that "angel" doesn't always cut it.

People talk about Down syndrome "special angels" or "hidden angels" across the Internet and media. Reece's Rainbow Adoption Ministry, an organization that does spectacular work finding homes for orphan children with Down syndrome, has an "angel tree" on its website, with pictures of children in need of adoption. The founder writes, "The beauty and innocence that a child with Down syndrome brings to the world is truly one of Divine nature." This is a little more complex than "angel," but the focus on innocence points in the same direction.

No human, including my son, is entirely innocent or angelic.

Symbols, labels and representations -- in media, literature and our daily conversations -- shape reality. The words "retard" and "angel" represent images that dehumanize and disempower. Both words connote two-dimensional, simple or limited people. Neither angels nor retards can live in the world with the rest of us, except as pets, charity cases or abstract sources of inspiration.

I am delighted to see the tide turn against the "r-word." After Coulter tweeted about the president, John Franklin Stephens, a man with Down syndrome, took to the Internet and to CNN. He argued that comparing the president to people such as him ought to be a "badge of honor" given the pathways he has forged through life's complex problems. The wave of support and publicity received by Stephens gives me hope for my son and for all of us who think our lives are improved by a society that includes everybody.

Language changes as knowledge and attitudes change. Doctors started using the word "retarded" to replace "Mongoloid Idiot." A lot of good came with that shift, because it indicated a new understanding that people with Down syndrome were not monstrously limited creatures best locked up in an institution.

Today, we talk about "developmentally delayed," and a lot of good has come with that shift, too. People see a child with developmental delays as having the potential to learn, to grow, to develop and to become a self-advocate.

And even Coulter, as a result, claims she would never call my son a retard. But other words will replace it. People will find new ways to use language to divide, to objectify and to dehumanize. The issue isn't language, not specific words, but representation.

My son is neither angel nor monster, just human. It's true that he's more confident in the world of empathy than of language. He reflects and intensifies the emotions of those around him. He meets love with even more love. These traits can be wonderful, and they're pretty typical of people with Down syndrome. But complex emotional lives define us as human, not angelic.

So let's listen to the rueful laughs of so many of my fellow parents who insist: "My child is no angel." Let's stand with Stephens as we fight against hate speech. Let's include people with developmental disabilities fully into our society. Most of all, let's always think of people with Down syndrome as people, first, not syndromes. Then the cruel words employed by clownish bigots will vanish into historical memory.

Ann Coulter on using the "r-word": "I was not referring to someone with Down syndrome"

from Pier Morgan's Blog CNN.com:

On Friday, the always controversial Ann Coulter refused to apologize for calling President Barack Obama "the retard" on Twitter.

A determined Piers Morgan tried his best to pull an apology from the defiant Coulter who insisted she had nothing to apologize for since her remark was not directed at the community of mentally disabled individuals who were offended by the tweet. "I was not referring to someone with Down syndrome," said Coulter. "I was referring to the president of the United States."
"I didn't call the president a Down syndrome child," continued Coulter. "I used the word retard the same way people use idiot, cretin, moron and the rest of them which were all once technical terms and I had it with the language police."
Watch the clip and listen to the interview as Coulter explains why the "r-word" is not the same as the "n-word."

by Emanuella Grinberg, CNN - News Channel 5 WPTV NBC:
Conservative commentator Ann Coulter stood by her decision to call President Barack Obama the "r word" in a tweet, and questioned whether the word is indeed offensive.
"Maybe [Vice President Joe] Biden should be upset with me calling the president a retard but not an actually disabled person," she said Friday in an interview on CNN's "Piers Morgan Tonight."
Coulter was addressing a tweet she sent following the third presidential debate between Obama and GOP nominee Mitt Romney.
"I highly approve of Romney's decision to be kind and gentle to the retard," she posted to the social networking site.
She said in the interview she chose the word "because it's a synonym for 'loser.' " She professed to have used the word since.
Among the reaction to her post were a slew of critical tweets, as well as a blog post addressed to her by Special Olympic athlete John Franklin Stephens that went viral.

"Come on Ms. Coulter, you aren't dumb and you aren't shallow. So why are you continually using a word like the R-word as an insult?" he wrote in the post. "I'm a 30 year old man with Down syndrome who has struggled with the public's perception that an intellectual disability means that I am dumb and shallow. I am not either of those things, but I do process information more slowly than the rest of you. In fact it has taken me all day to figure out how to respond to your use of the R-word last night."
Stephens appeared separately on "Piers Morgan Tonight" Friday.
"The word retard is offensive, and that I should not be a symbol for someone who is dumb and shallow," he said. "If they wanted to use me as a symbol, use me as a symbol for someone who fights adversity."
Coulter said "language police" were dictating what words should and should not be used, and denied the term was offensive at all.
"It's offensive according to whom? Moron, idiot, cretin, imbecile, these were exactly like retard, once technical terms to describe people with mental disabilities," she said. "Changing the word doesn't change the definition. I was not referring to someone with Down syndrome. I was referring to the president of the United States."
In addition, those who are offended by the word have little ground, she suggested.
"No disabled people are saying it, the spokesmen for the disabled," she said.
Pressed on whether the word bore a stigma similar to another offensive word -- the n word -- she said, "I wouldn't use the n word because it's a curse word."
Read more: http://www.wptv.com/dpp/news/national/ann-coulter-piers-morgan-cnn-interview-video-coulter-stands-by-use-of-retard-comment#ixzz2AigtZQ58



Man with Down syndrome responds to Ann Coulter’s ‘retard’ insult

by John Franklin Stephens from the Speical Olympics Blog:
The following is a guest post in the form of an open letter from Special Olympics athlete and global messenger John Franklin Stephens to Ann Coulter after this tweet during last night’s Presidential debate.

Dear Ann Coulter,
Come on Ms. Coulter, you aren’t dumb and you aren’t shallow.  So why are you continually using a word like the R-word as an insult?
I’m a 30 year old man with Down syndrome who has struggled with the public’s perception that an intellectual disability means that I am dumb and shallow.  I am not either of those things, but I do process information more slowly than the rest of you.  In fact it has taken me all day to figure out how to respond to your use of the R-word last night.
I thought first of asking whether you meant to describe the President as someone who was bullied as a child by people like you, but rose above it to find a way to succeed in life as many of my fellow Special Olympians have.
Then I wondered if you meant to describe him as someone who has to struggle to be thoughtful about everything he says, as everyone else races from one snarkey sound bite to the next.
Finally, I wondered if you meant to degrade him as someone who is likely to receive bad health care, live in low grade housing with very little income and still manages to see life as a wonderful gift.
Because, Ms. Coulter, that is who we are – and much, much more.
After I saw your tweet, I realized you just wanted to belittle the President by linking him to people like me.  You assumed that people would understand and accept that being linked to someone like me is an insult and you assumed you could get away with it and still appear on TV.
I have to wonder if you considered other hateful words but recoiled from the backlash.
Well, Ms. Coulter, you, and society, need to learn that being compared to people like me should be considered a badge of honor.
No one overcomes more than we do and still loves life so much.
Come join us someday at Special Olympics.  See if you can walk away with your heart unchanged.

A friend you haven’t made yet,  
John Franklin Stephens
Global Messenger
Special Olympics Virginia

EDITOR’S NOTE: John has previously written powerful opinion pieces on the R-word. Read one here.

Dad demands apology from Ann Coulter for using 'retarded' as an insult

from Today by Dan Niblock:

“Retard! Retard!” It’s the shrill call of a vile black bird, a call I hear coming from the treetops and from behind dark clouds these days. I hear it, though others don’t, because I have an ear for it. Call it a gift. I received this gift four years ago, in a hospital delivery room, at the exact moment a nurse turned to me and told me that in all likelihood my newborn son had Down syndrome. He did. His name is Ozzie.

It’s a strange thing, this gift of mine. Because a word that used to zip right on past my ear without causing a ripple now leaves me feeling like I’ve had the wind knocked out of me. And it happens just about every day.

The English language is littered with the husks of words like "retard." We've invented awful slurs for every group of people imaginable. But for some reason, those other words are whispered behind backs, relegated to the shadows. "Retard" is not. This particular slur, and its many variations, fills the space on park benches between soccer moms. It's heard in movies and on TV shows and in the songs kids sing in front of grandma. It pops up in board meetings and in breakrooms and in coffee shop queues.

And online - especially online. The comments section of any web post, no matter what website or how benign the topic, always seems to tease a “retarded” comment out of a reader or two. And for the life of me I cannot understand why this is so. Because it hurts, and people know it hurts, because parents like me have told them so. Again and again.

I'm left to wonder why this word is so precious that we just can't seem to get by without it. I'm left to wonder why it still slips so easily from the mouths of celebrities and public figures. In the most recent example, conservative firebrand Ann Coulter, tip of the Republican spear, posted a tweet insinuating that President Obama is pandering to the "retarded vote."

Here’s Ann’s tweet:

“Been busy, but is Obama STILL talking about that video? I had no idea how crucial the retarded vote is in this election.”